hEaRtBrEaKiNg

2010-08-05T22:33:00.002+08:00

i dont know what am i feeling now . the only thing i know is Os is my priority now .. All i can say is i must admit i m disappointed at times bout something .
i am disappointed bout my results .
disappointed that you dont care .
disappointed that some ppl cannot understand my good intention
disappointed that that despite all the talking and hoping for the best for her , C still went back to W .
disappointed that my friends till now still dont understand me .

But what can i do ? I've got too much work on hand . And i have got no time for all this . I am going to think for myself . For at least this time . I just dont wanna make a big fuss bout anything , but still i care . i know .

2010-07-15T14:03:00.003+08:00

i'm so freaking sick D: ! i am not weak , yet i feel uncomfortable .. very very uncomfortable D: ! guess need to makan porrigde for the next few days D: ! Anyways , yesterday's oral , not too bad . actually i got nothing to say , but i just keep talking and talking .. Until one part that teacher intercept and sum up wad i want to say , den i say "ya" . i guess she wanna shut me up . But den after that i continue again . hahahahhaha ! :D ~ Guess my weapon is my mouth ehhks ? wakakas . Yesterday 2pm i in the hall alr . now is alr 2pm , so it's 24 hour since i saw you D: ! imysm . We havent been on the phone until you go to bed recently . Sometimes the very next day i just wanna ask you , so how was yesterday night ? slept well ? What were you doing ? So many things i wanna say to you , i wanna ask you .
As for the previous post , im sorry , i didnt bother to remove it , cos u alr read it . no difference . i just thought you wouldnt even care or bother bout what i say , how i think .. Be it you do or you do not , im just sorry .. like i promised , i wont say those things again alrights . You happy ..... can alr .. ilysm ..

2010-07-12T01:05:00.004+08:00

hi all . Thing weren't going well for me recently . But i am fine now :D ! i took e whole night to think about it .. And i m not gonna let myself get affected by people who dont care or dont love me .. i have got more than one person in my life . my friends and family . they love me . i know it . So , that one person shall not crash me dead . And , i did try my best , to show love . to be a good fren . since it's not appreciated then fine :D ! Good luck to that person for her future den .. study hard ^^ . and last long w your love ^^ .
Am not going to school later ^^ gonna rest today den report back on tues ^^ ..
I thank all my friends for all the texts and calls . Thanks so much to you guys for the care and concern . i am okay . and as for that person , okay also . definitely better than i am . that person's love will take care of that person . So dont ask me anything alr ^^ . i not sure . dun wanna know also . :D ! you guys say i cant avoid in school , ya i know . But i'll cut down on talking or whatever . ^^ . just so u guys know . i am very okayy .. really :D ! if there's anything , i will tell u all . i promise . love u all lots . <3

2010-07-06T23:23:00.003+08:00

hi . you , precious .

iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou .

here's a hundred iloveyou . if you like, i'll say it another 100 times . A thousand times . only for you .

2010-07-04T20:01:00.002+08:00

hi . miss me ehhks ? i know . thanks .

1st july : Baby naandhini's birthday . 17 years old alr . our wish is for you to be more mature and forget about harry potter and spongebob square pants ^^ . ha ! Brought a cake to school , celebrated at the back of the canteen . We smash the cake on naandhini's face . half her face covered with cake ^^ . ha ! sorry darling ~ we love you still .. Overall was fun . sad , sindhu cannot join us .. Cause she lower sec ~ AWW :(((( !! but still her heart with us ^^ wahahahs !

2nd july : My darling kavita's birthday ! sweet 16 ~ Love you alot alot + alot ! early dismissal that day , went for chinese oral practice . Went woodlands to find the drama series " Gossip Girl " for my precious kavita . she like them . Ordered season 1 , from cause way outlet .. gonna collect them ^^ . Went over to kavita's house at 7pm . Stay there for about 1 hour , Rush down to naandhini's belated celebration at ban soon pah road ? Ate dinner there . Sarbina's mummy foot e bill ! POOF $190 ! we 7 little pigs ate so much !! ( Saras , Gopal , Sheena , Sarbina , Naandhini and Sindhu + Me ^^ ) cut cake AGAIN ! After that we slack at 700+ , played games ! so fun . Was about to return to kavita's place when she told me she going sleep . so head home straight .

3rd july : Went northpoint with mummy , to buy things . After that went to meet Kavita<3 and wenxuan (: ~ Watched Knight and day ! AWESOME ! =] ! love it very muchh ! ha . after that head back to yishun . saw jericae at GV . chit chat , wait for shan to come , then off dinner after that home sweet home .

4th july ( today ) : i at home whole day , sleep whole day + on phone with my pig<3 ^^ . 8pm now . if CO wants to go pool with me , i'll meet them . If not shall rot at home / wait for piggy to call again ? :D !

Life ~
It's great . What else can i say ? i love everyone alot . With them around , everything is oh just so fine ~~ Love them alot .. and love you alot too ^^ .

- one thing that i've been trying to learn and haven't master it thought it already took me 17 years , is to let go -

2010-06-24T22:50:00.003+08:00

hey . school going reopen soon alr :D ! so happy ! ha . anyways , some thoughts to share . Sorry if i am a nuisance . I did'nt mean it .

- i just wanna be myself .
was chatting with a school mate that day . though we dont communicate in school , but they are sharing with me their problems . It actually shows that they trust me . look through my FB list and realised , one out of a few definitely have talked to me about their problems before . And seeing them happy now , is e best thing ever .. I dont care if i'm used or what so ever . As long as they will feel better it is ok . The least is they appreciate it . And when i help them i feel happy . I just dont understand , why whenever i am putting extra effort to help them , some people around me just need to put me down . By saying that i am a busybody and i have nothing better to do in life that's why i get involve in their issue . I feel very discourage when this happens . Cause i feel that maybe the one i am helping also think this way .. If you all are my friends , why can't you all understand ? If i know they are upset and i don't help them , i don't feel good in my heart . I can't help them solve everything , but the least is i try my best and i really wanna listen to them , hoping they will feel better . If you all dont encourage me and think that i am busybody , the least is dont give comment . Can ? I just hope u all can understand , i just wanna be myself . To be able to help whoever i can reach out to when there are down , because i walk through it .. And i know how difficult it is ! It's not sad .. Not just sad . But when some one is in a depressed state . I know how it feels . And i dont wanna them to be alone .. I've learnt alot , and my life is not like one pathetic dog like one year ago .. Cause i'm able to see things in a positive way now . And it's really great . That's why i wanna help them , i dont wanna them waste their time getting upset over issues that we cant do anything about it .. It is some one's day u are going to change , it is some one's life you are going to affect . I just hope u all will let me ........ Be who i wanna be .. Don't say all those discouraging things anymore .. Appreciate it .. You all are still my friends ..

2010-06-19T18:38:00.002+08:00

HEY ! :D ~ got miss me anots ? huhh huhh huhh ??? :D :D !
came back from work early today , told them i sick . ya SICK ! SICK AND TIRED OF WORKING THERE ! ARGH ! the thoughts of going to work seriously kill me ! D: ! i want go back school . i want see everyone , give them sweet , play and laugh around . running all over doing my "visiting" during recess time . i miss finding rajes , yamuna , salimah and soniaah in the toilet randomly anytime .. I miss disturbing my babes in school .. I miss recess time running to aishah , rina , ruhayu they all give them sweet .. I miss all those time D: ! sad .. please .. school faster reopen !! though i dont like lesson :D ! hahhahaha ~ ok lame .

Yesterday , i went to wild wild wet with 5 darlings .. [ sabrina , naandhini , sheena , afifah& sindhu ]
Had fun ! Embarrass to the max when me and brina tried selling the receipt ! lOL ! and when i walking backwards i got "sucked" into the water .. and they start laughing at me .. See la ! act smart -.- walk backwards . lOL ! And funniest part . i thought i lost my specs and everyone started looking for it . in the end we gave up . i dont want the specs alr .. DEN I FOUIND IT ! IT IS HANGING ON NAANDHINI'S HAIR !! FUNNY LA ! she didnt know , WE didnt know ! had sooooooo muchh fun !! :D ~ LOVE them so much !! :D !

School gonna reopen in 9 days time ! yippppeeee ! i'm so gonna hug all of them ! Cos i miss them so dam much ! AND WELCOME SINDHU TO NORTH VIEW SEC ! WEEEE ~~ ok shall end here . love all ! *kiss kiss* hahahahahha ! :D !

2010-05-29T19:27:00.003+08:00

composed a song previously . wanna share e lyrics here .

You were always the reason behind my tears ... But why not my smile ?
You were not there when my tears fall .... you were never .... you were never there ..
I felt like as if i'm not your priority ... I felt like as if i am nothing ...
And baby why , i see you as my one and only ~
But to you , i'm last in your list ...
Was it my love , that's suffocating you ..
Or is it you love me no more ?
Was it me , was it you , was it us or the enviroment ..
I aint sure .. But i feel you no more ~

1st verse + chorus . havent go to 2nd verse . that's about it .

2010-05-27T23:30:00.002+08:00

hellO ! havent been updating recently ~ hmmps ..
Today , mdm koh's farewell assemble .. fun + sad .. i'm so gonna miss her ..
i owe it to her for part of who i m now .. i'm glad she didnt give up on me when i was still a rascal few years back .. sang the song "like a rose - edit version" today .. freak nervous i swear -.-' hopefully didnt sound too bad ehhks ?? video @ my facebook can go see see uhhs ~ ^^ ..
mini choir = thumb up
chris = thumb up
schoolmates = thumb up
they clapped along and cheer for us .. was fun ^^ ..
MYE results = improvement . i m so gonna work hard ..
But of cause , even if , i mean EVEN IF i were to make it to poly , it wont be a happy thing if i am alone .. I wont be happy if i make it to poly alone .. i need you all to share my joy w me .. telling me u guys made it up to poly too .. please start studying .. as in, study smart not study hard ! please .. we'll to it tgt okayy ? STUDY ! promise me okayy ? ( the above is for ; dayana , amirul , saras , sabrina , kavita , sheena , naandhini , dayana , afifah , aishah , masturina and more and more .. ) Let's Do It Together .. love ..

2010-05-15T12:51:00.002+08:00

hey yo ? okay ytd was a looooong day for me .. till this morning 11am den reach home ((: . today also !

9am : last paper *hurray* .. babes go home .. i slack in school awhile ..
11am onwards : went to LJS with my precious[s] , had lunch . as usual . saras LATE ! we watch 12:15 show , the back up plan ! i was laughing so so so loud ! hahahah ! it's so funny . worth watching seriously ! *thumbs up*..
4+pm : part with my precious[s] , still dont feel like gg home , remembered aishah say she and rina going library . so i went find them ^^ .. surprisingly , i sat beside for awhile and rina didnt know .. blur blur ehhks ? jkjk =x (: .. aishah solid , she thought aunty :( .. me ? aunty ? awww ~
after part w aishah and rina , i went to chen's house , shan also there . play and talk ard awhile . 8+pm i left chen house . catch 9pm movie , "the losers" .. *thumbs up* .. not too bad also . ((: ~
10pm close to 11pm , part with shan , xin and ping after movie . head over to kavita's hause , watch ghost movie @ her place .. till 2+ , 3+am ? den slept over at kavita's place . 10+am left . now here blogging .. am going out soon . meeting amirul . going to pink dot ^^ . after pink dot meeting shan and co .. most probably gonna ton outside today ((: . shall end here . bye ~

2010-05-13T23:40:00.004+08:00

hey ?? tmr's my last paper . am most probably going out with my sayang[s] tmr . trying hard to squeeze my time for almost everyone around me .. ((: .. some people i not really close with , but really feel like hanging out with them , i just hope they dont find me a weirdo . gotta pluck up courage to ask den -.-'' and soniaah . asked alr , and this stupid girl said " OH are u asking me out for a date ? " blank me straight away .. how stupid can she be ?
saturday going pink dot with amirul ? ((: .. in short pink dot is more or less an event .. somehow "connected " to , gay/les/bi/TS ... our dear amirul keep "feeding" me with info how fun it's gonna be .. i really wanna go see .. ^^ tehheee ~ anyone's going ? or to say , anyone interested to tag along ? text me / leave tag .. we'll meet there alrights ?

today some one use private number call me .. He told me to stay away from the express people ; especially the express malay girls .. and when he mention especially the express malay girls straight away i thought of aishah/rina and co . they are the only express malay girls i communicate with .. ( more or less ) .. cant deny when that person first say that i am a little affected .. those express schoolmates are nice people ; esp the girls .. why must i stay away from them ? :( .. but eventually , i decided not to let him spoil my day , he probably just used 10c go to the public phone and call me .. let 10c spoil my day not worth it at all ... so i'm not gonna think about it anymore ~~~~~

2010-05-10T14:25:00.008+08:00

hellO all ((: ~ got miss me nots ? hehe ^^.. today's post wont be for me ... is for people around me .. ^^ .. and randomly this few . i dont know why .. dont want read nevermind . i also never force you ^^ . dun forget tag though . haha .

Dayana :
hey dear . i hope that things will get better for you .. i know it's hard to forget somethings at times , especially when it comes to people we really love alot .. those love , tears , laughter shared together .. but still .. you gotta move on .. because of one person , u stopped and neglected so many people around you who love you alot .. and i mean alot alot .. i m one of them ^^V . u all are special .. to me .. and i really want you darlings well .. i wanna life to be good for you all .. really .. please take care .. gina will always be here for you .. 24/7 on mission .. er ...... but if pang sai need wait ok ? ^^ . i love you . <3

kavita :
my snorlax ! (: , sayang , dont be upset .. i know life sucks and is like "hardcore" for you . but everything is gonna be okayy in one way or another .. at times when we sad , just that one day we think life suck this and that , we forgot about all the good times we had .. we didnt say " life rocks " at that time .. you've got so many people there for you .. really .. everyone loves you . the time they spent w you and all those text means u meant some one to them .. and definitely some one very important to me too .. please cheer up .. gina dont know how to say nice , sweet things to cheer you up . but all i can say is , i love you and i'm going to stick to you !! dont you dare to "wheel" away from me ! <3

Stacy :
hey shut up ! ((: ~ okayy weird right ? i dont talk to you very often those but here i am posting this .. stacy , i know things not going too well for you recently .. not easy to forget everything now .. but still , i hope you will not let this affect you too much and concentrate on your N level . i m sure you gonna make it up to sec5 .. it's not easy .. i know .. we know .. i am sure everyone out there know .. we understand yet cannot help you much .. cause everything is depend on urself de . but i need you to know . many many people love you . and is willing to lend you a listening ear .. Gina is willing to also ^^ . maybe i can sing for you too while you talk to me .. who knows right ? haha .. maybe you'll like my singing (: ~ cheer up .. you deserve some one better . i know and god know . bless you <3

rina :
you special , i use all green colour for you . because you "green girl" mahh .. ((:
things seem to be better for you now alr ? i hope it's really better now alr .. and maintain this way ^^ . if it happens that , the " emo rina " haunt you again , you can always come and find me . den we'll maybe talk for few solid hours in e canteen again ehhks ? ((: ~ if you unhappy pls go eat , dont care eat eat eat only okay ? (: whatever it is , really . hope that things will go well for you , not only for now but always . study hard ! plssssssssssssssss ..... and smile always ^^ rina look best when she got that smile on her face . ^^ . if you trust me enough , i'll be more than willing to listen alrights ^^ take care . <3 love

- maybe we dont communicate often , maybe at times you even forget my existence . but to me , u all are special in my heart .. one way or another .. to gina , you all are like angels and deserve the best in life .. please rmb this and keep in mind , i dont mind if you dont rmb me at all , dont think of me at all .. but do think of me , when you need some one to talk to . because i'll be more than willing to listen . <3>

2010-05-03T22:21:00.002+08:00

ehh look here . u all call urself fren ? go out or anything all never say .. look here la , i tried texting you all ; u all always give what reply ? look here . i not going contact you all anymore .. i not going care about anything anymore .. since everything you all can dont inform me can dont let me know , meaning i not anyone in you all de life .. den i dont need include u all in my life also .. i'm very good now .. so what if people dislike me and come and "act nice" infront of me ? at least they bother to do so .. at least they never claim themselve as "fren here fren there" .. i never name anyone .. guilty ? want bitch about it ? go ahead .. i dont care any more ! i am not at fault this time round .. F.R.I.E.N.D.S ? haha ! dont make me laugh la .. seriously , want leave want stay i dont care . dont care anymore .. ( for your info i am not upset/angry at all (: , let's move down )

3rd may ! (: ~ happy birthday to xiang , alan , rina and masha .. hope you all enjoy urself today (:
went out with junior today , to collect my stuffs @ paya lebar police post . den head to tamp to repair my tooPID phone ! ha ! overall long day for me la . really .. tehee .. everyone study hard ehhs .. buhbye (: LOVEyouAll

2010-04-29T22:05:00.002+08:00

twitter .. twitter .. still twitter .. sick and tired of getting sick and tired .. recently negative thoughts keep haunting me .. still , i m smiling .. (: . i dont know how long i can "tahan" but .......... let it be .. (: ~ i've got alot of people ard me , more unhappy de .. i need help them cheer up ^^ .. off to mission ~ tatas !

loveyou ... no more ..

2010-04-26T21:37:00.002+08:00

today is peaceful ~~
i like the feeling when i am able to share my sweets and choco with everyone .. even ppl i barely know .. so long they give a smile and " thank you " that'll be good enough to make my day .. sometimes life is just so easy .. this bit only .. just see life as easy as like that everyday will passby very happily alr ((: ~
im glad today is better for one people . cos i believe ONE/FIRST is a start . slowly more ppl will get better ((: ~ just rmb , every little bit is improvement . actually i got alot way to help some one know bout life but all is silly act . if u all dont mind trying . tell me , i teach you . but believe me . it helps . in one way or another . though silly .. (: ~
iLOVEyou all .. everyone .. alot alot and alot ... even ppl dislike me , i wanna say " bless u all " too bad we no chance be fwen . maybe next life la k ^^ .. hehe

2010-04-24T21:29:00.002+08:00

"alone journey" day ~
MISS dont know ; i know those talks in e canteen and also e tagging along ur alone journey didnt help .. but still i hope in one way or another u are feeling better .. really hope so .. that's all ii can sayy .. think of funny things la .. like the "weird kid" i saw and the burping aunty .. and the "silence please" haha .. dont think too lowly of urself or wadever .. sometimes other ppl not always right .. it's not the end of the world .. cheer up la ~~~~~~~~~~ com'on ... when u dont smile u got the serious serious fierce look .. so must smile moreeeeeeeee ... bday coming on 16 alr .. cann watch NC16 movie alr yea ? (: ~ be happy bout that la .. life still got soooooooo many thingy thingy you've yet see .. anything just drop me a text/call like i said .. dont always " i dont know " please know something .. ((: ~ and ur yawning is getting bad to worse ! spread to me also .. now as i using com @ lan shop i cannot stop yawning also -.- ..
take care and cheer up . rmb anything find me .. dont think silly things all kayy .. bless u ..
MISS dont know ; at least know that i m referring to you kayy -.- . buhbyes ~

2010-04-22T17:08:00.002+08:00

yo ? hi all .. those who keep read and never tag one horh ! is time to tag tag me alr horh ! hmmps !
left school earlier today .. was sick ! back ache .. anyway in class also i doing nothing .. i drawing and scribbling all over about ...... cant bloody seem to concentrate also .. haha .. at the rate i m going now who the fuck would believe i actually topped my N level ? lOL ! sigh . very distracted .. by who/what some will know -.-'' zzz .. some ppl tel me .. " alr not possible , den let it go la .. why want hold on waste time waste this waste that " .. actually never idd i once find it waste of time or anything .. sigh .. i dunnid scolding .. i need comforting .. u all never seem to see this .. i also SICK AND TIRED alr la .. Dr.F told me yesterday i dont need go back for my check up alr .. meaning i fully recover .. same old questions he always ask : " still upset recently ? " , " do you still have suicidal thoughts ?" this and that la .. but what i ans him is , " i m fine , i dont find a need to get upset anymore " which is true .. that's why i m happier now .. cos i didnt bother bout so many things like i used to .. maybe when u choose not to care life would be better . life now . i so tired that i dont have e strength to hold on to anything anymore .. and i realise when this happens it's e time when to me ; life and death doesnt matter .. i just wanna lead my life like that and wait for death's arrival .. anyway it's sooner or later . (: .. bye ~

2010-04-18T14:58:00.002+08:00

gonna be emo kid today .. sigh ..
i dont know why but sheena random told me this that day " gina let go la , let it be fwen nth else " .. actually easier said than done la . it's killing me also .. you all think i dont wanna ? it's really hard for me to hide my emotion always .. still laughing and playing as if nothing had happened . i am human also in case you all forgot .. i m not as weak as u all thought , but definitely not as strong as u all see .. but one good thing is , i wont let these negatives thoughts haunt me for too long .. i know how it feels like when my world was once black and white for one whole solid year .. when life is at risk , every now and then .. special care needed this and that .. those toughest time alr had past .. so this is definitely nothing .. looking back now ; i do have alot ppl i know indeed , alot ppl know me also .. but the sad thing bout it is i dont have ppl i fully trust and consult in everything and i mean every single little thing .. i used to have one very very very close fwen .. she know almost everything .. we share soooooo many thing tgt .. but nt now anymore .. we are fren back now alr , but still , we know things wont be like in e past .. trying so hard to help ppl back on track , ask them think positively those .. everything is draining away whatever i have .. i am tired .. i feel like really blocking off everyone .. i did it once .. meaning if i really wanna i can do it again .. but i dont want to .. i dont wanna waste my life living in my own world .. it's really tiring .. my bottle is alr 3/4 full .. i dont know when it'll explode / overflow .. when i hide and cry who knows ? when i still trying to hold on , who is willing to lend me a helping hand ? forget it . i give up . on ppl . i wont trust anyone . i can only rely on myself .. only myself ! bye .

2010-04-16T17:17:00.004+08:00

aloha ~ ((: ! okay first , i know u all read and dont tag . but it's okay . as long as u dont bark behind me can alr ((: ~ weee ~

Speech Day :
Thank shan , early morning bless me for my performance via text .
appreciate it alot . really . thanks .
my last performance .. gonna miss them ALOT ! really ...
Today i received my prizes , am happy ((: ~
After performance , went back CO room saw my phone got text ,
that text made me smile like a retarded in e room .. ((:
receiving that text is better than receiving e vouchers , haha =x
anyway , really meant alot to me .
Went Causeway with mummy after that ,
met granny and aunt .. had lunch there and shop around .
I walked around by myself .. cant seem to concentrate or join in their conversation
too many things going on in my head .. Basically , one thing -.- ! but enough alr , trust me ! -.-'
tiring day . still got sinda ltr .

to friends :
few of my friend kept asking me if i am alrights recently .. hey , just let u sayangs know i am fine .
i know that you all know wall post ; blog ; twitter ; msn ; phone and all is talking about e same person .
rest assure i am fine . really am fine . CL ; you asked me if i tired .. i got to say a lil tired perhaps . but every choice i make i got to bear e responsibility . since i choose to love den i gotta be prepared for all e pain and everything . that person gave no promise no anything . i cant expect anything . and to me now , loving one doesnt mean getting them . As long as this person is happy , studying hard for a better future , nothing else matters to me ... for e rest of e fwen . no worry .. i not so weak one la .. haha . thanks for e concern . im very happy with everything i have now .. seriously .. happy with life now and with everything AROUND me be it mine or not .. ((: once again thanks and bless all .. most importantly ; bless you ~

Like a rose ..

2010-04-15T18:55:00.002+08:00

And as i look into your eyes
i see an angel in disguise
send from god above for me to love , to hold and idolise .
And as i hold your body near
i'll see this month through to a year
and then forever on till life is gone , i'll keep your loving near .
And now i've finally found my way , to lead me down this lonely road ,
All i have to do , is follow you , to lighten up my load .
You treat me like a rose ; you give me room to grow ,
you shone the light of love on me , you gave me air so i can breathe ,
You open door that close , in a world where anything goes ,
you give me strength so i stand tall , within this bed of earth just like a rose .
And when i feel like hope is gone , you gave me strength to carry on ,
each time i look at you there's something new to keep our living strong .
I hear you whisper in my ear , all of the word i long to hear ,
of how you'll always be here next to me to wipe away my tears .
And now i've finally found my way ,
to lead me down this lonely road ,
All i have to do , is follow you ,
to lighten up my load .
You treat me like a rose ; you give me room to grow ,
you shone the light of love on me , you gave me air so i can breathe ,
You open door that close , in a world where anything goes ,
you give me strength so i stand tall , within this bed of earth just like a rose .

2010-04-14T23:10:00.002+08:00

nothing to blog about , random only (: ~ wee .. my homework dam freaking lots everyday , but i rather spend my time talking on e phone .. den ltr @ night stay up till dam hell late to complete or simply get scolding and all the next day . like wth .. why cant they give less home work .. must understand chit chatting on e phone also included in my time table ! grr ! still .. i love school ((: ~ i LOVE NVSS ~ ^^

yayaya .. and I LOVE YOU ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ lalalalala ~ <33333333333333333333333333333 .

2010-04-12T15:59:00.002+08:00

*claps* the FIRST time i go blank for my MTL ! never ever did it happen before .. and yes ! today it happened ! i was having conversation with my teacher and i thought i heard YOU talking to me .. den my mind went blank .. forgot what i want to say .. -.- and the teacher smiling away ! embarrass to the max ! distracted too easily -.-'' okay , gonna make it up ; gonna do better for P1 and P2 .. shiat ~ anyways ; i'll nt be updating that often alr .. lazy la .. but can follow me .. twitter (: ~ hees .. join the conversation can alr (: ~ kayy la .. lazy alr .. bye ~~

imissyou so much ! wanna so badly to go to your class to see you just now during lesson time .
still i know ; studies come "first" ` .. cannot go walk walk around ~ sobbx ~ iLy idiot ~

Who Would Know ?

2010-04-11T17:10:00.002+08:00

who ever put my words in mind ? i say it and u all simply just forget about it right ? even the most basic thing like going out or whatever .. guess i am just of no importance to anyone .. till e day if i stop breathing .. who would care ? i tried my very best .. wanna continue be positive .. but just realise .. too hard .. i m tired .. physically and mentally .. in one way or another ..
i mean it ; thats why i said it .. i didnt say for the sake of saying everything ..
who knows ? i know it's another tough journey / learning journey he wanna me to walk through .. thank you god .. i know u wont put me through what i couldnt take .. i'll persevere .. i'll try .. i promise ..

Friends , Family , You ; sometimes i expect a lil more from u all simply because i love you all too muchh .. and when i say it .. i really mean it .. iLy . sigh .

2010-04-08T18:24:00.004+08:00

a long post ; for my Friends ; family ; teachers ; my love and e rest ..

family ; i know u all try ur best to give me everything u all can .. u all dont stress me and anythin u all let me work @ my own pace .. thank you all alot .. i know that u all will be the one who will keep ur promise to take care of me till ur very last breath .. u all will scold me , hit me .. and at the end of e day still standing by me telling me the rights and wrong and still love me .. thank u all alot alot .. realli .. i love you all
--------

friends ; i love my bitches now .. with them around it's really live in my own comfort zone .. they never ever pressurise me with anything .. and it's only with them i can see that RELATIONSHIP is nt always a barrier to friendship .. i love them alot .. and i really hope to go up to poly with them .. not e same poly nvm at least we all go up tgt .. babes ; u all were e reason why i look forward to everyday . really very fun hanging out with you all .. no stress ; no arguments .. nothing .. thank you all so much ! <3
------
the other group of fwen ; going 10 years alr .. from very young we play .. until now .. all 17 alr .. grow up le .. things change .. everyone got own clique own group of friend .. we have quarrels here and there .. but still tahan till here .. thank god ! we are nt as close as before .. sometimes even mia very long no one contact each other . all of us must think back lo ; to other group of fwen we got do this ? i am not saying i m nt like that . i also like that . i know . i just hope we'll spend more time ; "polishing" our friendship and perhaps another 10 years down the road we will sit tgt and say " 20 years ago ........ " bless us ..
-------

Teachers ; i love you all alot .. you all were e reason why i m able to do well . thank you all for everything ; i rmb when i m "hopeless" that time so many ppl give up on me , dunwan bother bout me . but my teachers brought me back to track .. still rmb when i get into police case is u all help me write good report . thats why dont need go girls home . and now ; topped our school for N and hoping to do well for O also . am coping well .. and its thanks to all of you .. when i got no one to turn to .. i know i can always go and find u all .. when i go out work one day i will still rmb ; i graduated from NVSS and the teachers there gave me everything i have now .. i thank my parents for giving me life ; but i'll thank my teachers for my future success .
--------

love ; at times after a "deep thinking session" i miss you alot .. always have this sudden emotion to send a text to you to tell you how much u meant to me .. always have this sudden urge to tell you how much i miss you . but i cant do any of the above . and we know clearly why . still ; i'll bless you and your love .. and keep in mind ; the only reason i am there is not to mess up ur life. i am here when u need some one to talk to about anything and everything .. i know u have some one there now alr . but still ................ i'll be the other option . just know that , i dont show it doesnt mean i dont love you enough .. it's just that i chose to love you silently . giving u all e blessing u need ^^ . i love you .... so muchh ..
- letting go is not easy , i know i said before alot of times i will try .. but still , it's definitely nt gonna be now that e feeling will "disappear" .. please understand , thats the only thing i expect .. nth else .. -

--------

everyone ; i know i've yet mention alot of ppl , like last years classmates , juniors and some friends ..
i have all ur names in heart ; but just too many to type here la -.-' ha! okay anyway ; to each and everyone of u .. i treasure knowing u all .. even to ppl i dislike ; i know u all good person in one way or another .. perhaps we are just nt fated to be friends .. i just hope one fine day we'll be able to communicate and even if we are nt fwen the least is we dont hate or dislike each other .. i m glad that i have u all in my life .. yes ; life sucks ; life never ever fair .. but i've gt ppl like u all in my life ; thats why i can proudly say ; my life very beautiful .. i'll learn to appreciate it more .. bless you all ..

2010-04-02T22:37:00.002+08:00

First ; baby , whatever it is that your choice is , i will always support you .. i noe how you feel .. so nt gonna say muchh .. loveyou .. and baby ; i know i say 1001 time i will try .. i know u keep say i never try .. i THINK i m .. but i actually also dunno la .. zzz .. sry baby .. sry co .. need time ..

seriously , i dont know what to say .. but things keep happening .. around me ..
i used to share everything with fahh .. but now i guess i m just not sharing to anyone anymore .. ya , maybe letting things out here and there .. bits by bits .. but ..... still .. want serious sit down share de time ppl playing , joking all not serious .. cos my problem is not problem right ? can heck care right ?
actually u all noe or not , some time u all say de thing really very hurting .. think back la . previously so many thing happen i unhappy i got keep quiet ? i now really is want peacefully pass .. yet so many things happen .. i very messed up seriously .. not only cause of ONE person .. but cause of everything .. i still playing a fool ; still trying solve ppl problem all those .. i dont know this can go on hw long .. but still i trying .. let it be ..

- life one year back suck to core .. everything is seriously black and white ; medication needed to control emotion .. and i really dont want that anymore .. i very tired alr .. not as weak as u all thought , yet not as strong as u all see -

2010-04-01T22:08:00.002+08:00

hey peeps . okayy .. life this few days shucks ! ppl finding me problem for no reason .. is like so wtf ..
seriously , this post is specially for you !

to that life-less idiot :
hi life-less idiot . you are really pathetic,understand that you are trying very very hard to make life difficult for me .. but , sad to say .. my friends all very supportive .. especially ; saras , sabrina , naandhini , sheena and afifah .. try harder okayy ? and i needa tell you , u seriously need to take stock of your life .. you realli need to see how is your relationship w pl around you first ! i know you "kind hearted" trying to "solve" ppl's problem for them but sad to say , no one appreciate .. hush ! dont cry.. look here .. i gt better things for you to do .. go and build up ur relationship with ppl around you go self reflect ! cos u got serious problem .. i heard SOOOOOO much bout you .. seems like u gotta a serious prob .. i understand the fact that u are "busy helping ppl" that u've got no time for uself .. but just think for urself first k i think everyone would be "happy" for you ^^ .. may god bless u ..

2010-03-31T23:30:00.002+08:00

okayy .. get this clear , i am not as stupid as you all thought la .
i mean , hey , i know alot of things lo . alot people come tell me this and that .. is only i want blow the matter up / gossip bout it or not only .. aiyo , dont think i stupid stupid cann ?? goshh .. hahaks .. k la uhhx . nthh blog bout shall blog tmr ..

not e first , but you'll be e last ..
iLOVEyou .

2010-03-29T17:29:00.003+08:00

FUCK THE WORD FRIENDS ! WTF IS THIS ! I GOT SO ANGRY TODAY BECAUSE U BOTH FUCKING MAKE ME FEEL HOW THOSE GROUP OF PEOPLE ONCE TREATED ME ! I AM NOT A FUCKING PET .. NOT A DOG .. I DONT FUCKING NEED ANYONE TO SYMPATHISE ME .. SPARING ME FUCKING LEFT OVER ATTENTION ! SERIOUSLY , IF I AM ONLY LIKE THIS TO YOU ALL .. THEN FUCK THE HELL OFF MY LIFE ! GET THIS INTO UR FUCKING HEAD .

2010-03-26T23:18:00.003+08:00

hi all ~ after resting 2 days @ home .. went back school today ..
saw my bitch-es .. dam happy .. yippee ! :D but i nt hyper today ,
cos my back dam pain :( ..
today i block off alot people text and call for a few hour ..
i am sorry .. but just mood off abit .. hmmps ..
Mix emotion ! i thought i dont miss u tat muchh alr . i thought i dont love u that much alr .. but the fact is .. all is i "thought" onli .. zzz i thought you thought who confirm sial .. i saw ur text , telling me those thing , and was thinking ..
you dont need to send me that text actually .. you never give me any promise from the start till now .. u made it very clear that you are very happy with ur love and all , u also made it clear you want me forget you .. is that i just cannot let go yet .. but god knows i m trying .. really trying .. getting my life organize .. study will be 1st priority .. My O's really drawing nearer .. and i promise you i'll study hard .. and do well .. but by that time maybe cant be on the phone so often with you .. cannot hear you share all your happy things with me .. cannot hear your voice .. complaining and nagging nagging like granny .. promise me you will study hard also okay ? go to a good class and graduate with your love .. (: , you are my friend . and i realli hope if really we not contacting that much and drift you wont forget me .. after Os i hope we'll get back in contact and hang out those .. promise nothing will change okayy ? *hook finger* .. loveyou ..

i know you are listening to my prayers .. thank you for giving me everything that i have now .. thank you for sending me angels in my life now .. final year in school and i met nice ppl like them .. the girls really are great .. i love being able to spend time with them .. people who i treasure knowing ; swapna , yamuna , salimah , soniaah and all .. we might nt be really very close fwen , but please do know .. i do treasure knowing u babes .. and of cos not to forget ; naandhini , saras , sabrina , afifah , sheena .. there might be argument here and there but i hope everything will be alright soon ok darlings ? and BFF , baby , shan and chen ; 8 years fwenship , got quarrel till very jia lat de time got very happy de time .. go overseas together also have . i will keep all this in mind .. loveyou all ..

2010-03-24T19:52:00.002+08:00

aww .. today didnt go school , was sick ..
afternoon after see doc met shan and chen went makan ..
whenever you feel sad i very helpless .. i want u to smile ..
to be happy always .
though im trying to stop everything now [the feeling is fading off faster than i thought ], but still , doesnt mean i dont care you at all mahh .. stay happy la kayy .. okayy ? <3 (~(OO)~) !
hey saw this quote from FB one of dem in my fwen list post it up .. wanna share with u guys .. quite interesting ..
here it goes :
Whatever u give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give u a baby. Give her a house, she will give u a home. Give her groceries, she will give u a meal. Give her a smile n she will give u her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if u give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit...

TRUE right !? hahak .. funny muchh .. ok la bb i gtg ..
i love sheena , saras , afifah , sabrina , nandhu , yamuna , soniaah and my BABYTAN ! ^^ wee ~ shan and chen also little bit ^^ hahahahahhahahahha !

2010-03-23T21:14:00.002+08:00

hellO ! sobx .. i am sick ! not going school tmr la :( !
lets talk about yesterday.. HYPER whole day ! ((: !
very happening yesterday .. very funny .. ok la .
take back result fail also i laughing .. cos i expected .. -.-
only left mother tongue haven take back .. i only expecting to pass language sub ..
cos that one dunnid study one . hehe !
my babytan keep think think anyhow .. you better dont ahh ..
arbo i smack you ! *i wont bear to la * ..
start listening in class already ^^V .. am happy got progress .
everything is fine now .. it's better than i expected ..
you really didnt "come" to my mind that often this few days ..
am focusing much on other thing / people .. it's good ..
am loving everything now .. dont know how long it'll last but .. bless me ^^
byebye~

2010-03-21T19:57:00.001+08:00

hellO ! (: ~ okayy .. tmr skul gonna reopen .. cann see my bitch-es .. miss dem soooooo much .. saras , sabrina , afifah , sheena , renu , naandhini & not forgetting soniaah ! ((: ~ wee .. am happy .. this term gotta get things in shape .. start studying .. gotta keep my promise .. ^^
yesterday , clubbing with babyRUL , babyYi , babyTING , her bf , baby , ah ting and ping .. had fun ^^ although very warm .. everyone sweating like duno wad .. but still .. i had fun .. thanks to my darling[s] ((: ~ LETS GO AGAIN ! OKAYY !? hahaks .. <3

2010-03-19T22:22:00.002+08:00

am at 22O now .. drinking with them .. shan cmi alr .. she faint alr . lOL ..
okayy .. i am nt drunk .. just getting emotional ..
i dont like it when people hurt e one i love .. be it hurt in the past or now .. i just dont like it !!
shan is sleeping beside me now .. i m bored ..
holiday gonna end .. shud be happy or sad ? happy cos can see dem .. sad , need start studying .. fuck right .. lOL ! zz .
okayy la lazy alr .. bye ..
bby , imy ..

trying to forget some one you love is like trying to remember some one you dont know ..

2010-03-19T12:50:00.003+08:00

proper update when i come back ! briefly c0ck abit 1st ahh ..
today :
meeting my magicbytch naandhini later .. miss her fcuking l0ads ..
night meeting shan .. go drink , drank drunk .. byee ~

2010-03-18T12:03:00.003+08:00

yesterday night will be e last time i cry because of you ..
i'm stopping .. as mentioned in my previous post ..
i said before alr .. as long as u say it i will do it ..
no matter how pain/ difficult it is .. i will ..
as long as you happy .. can alr ..
you asked me why i can tahan . why this why that ..
there's only one answer .. because i love you ..
just rmb , no matter what happen .. i'll always be here ..
if you are bored , i'll give u a call immediately ..
if you are sad , i'll always lend you my ear/shoulder ..
i dont know how long it will take me to stop , to let go ..
but like i said , i going force myself to .. and things will be e way u want it to be real soon ..
even till e day that my love for you no longer is this BGR love .
i still love you as my fwen ..
and remember , i once loved you this much and wanna give u the best i could ..
i once wanna treasure you and walk through with you ..

stopping now .................. :')

2010-03-17T00:58:00.002+08:00

imissyou :(
kayy , you dont feel e same ..
i know .. s0bx .. what ya doing ? it's already 1:19am . sleeping ?
you're still in my mind .. keep running inside my brain ! u not tired ahh !?
GO AWAY LA ! -.-'' okayy i'm lame ..
i really miss you alot lo :(
you never ever know la ! :(
just when will you realise seriously ..

a song sang by 5566 - boyfriend .. [ lyrics is nice ]
i'm sorry for me bugging you ,
sorry for being such a fool .
god's know's i;ve tried but i cant let go ,
i crazy bout you know who ..
i'm sorry for me needing you ,
sorry girl that you dont feel it too ,
i've got the point should be a man about ,
i've never been good at that .. ohh no ..
forgive me , for being me ..
i've tried to let go ..
i know you've got a boyfriend ..
another man ..
another guy by your side some one who hopefully treats you right ..
but you dont know how much i wish that i was your boyfriend ..
that other guy .. the only one whose allowed in your room to lay in your arms at night
now you dont know how much i wish i was you boyfriend ..
i'm sorry for me wanting you ..
sorry for not playing by the rules ..
but what would you do if you were in my shoes ..
feeling lost and blue .. mmm ..
i'm sorry for me loving you ..
sorry for being sucha fool ..
god's know's i;ve tried but i cant let go ,
i crazy bout you know who ..
forgive me , for being me .. i've tried to let go ..
[ continued]

2010-03-16T01:18:00.004+08:00

a post for you :
it's 1:20am now .. you must be asleep i guess .. or are u on e phone with your love ?
imissyou alot .. you know ? though i am not in singapore now , but whatever i do here ,
you are constantly in my mind .. when i see something very funny , i thought " it'll be great if u're here .. i wanna you to see this " ..
when i see something very nice i thought " i'll get this for you *hesitate* , who the fuck i think i am ? "
bby , i dont know if life will be better or worse with you .. but i know life certainly sucks without you .. cause that's what i am going through now ..
i wonder if by now you've seen your importance to me .. loving you is all that i can do .. i am already losing myself .. i cant see myself anymore .. everything is only about you now .. i really love you alot .. alot alot .. more than you could ever think of .. i understand the fact that you gave no promise .. i understand the fact that someone else is your priority .. i understand the fact that your heart belongs to some one else .. so what ? does that mean that you cannot be my priority ? does that mean that i cannot keep you in my heart ? i really dont know .. if what you want is me to let go , is me to stop loving you , to not get into your life anymore , to go away ... i will .. no matter how pain / how difficult it is i will .. because i love you .. so long you say it , i will do it ..
like anyone else , i dont care if there's no future .. i dont care even if it's gonna end one day .. i just need you .. to be here ..
i just wanna love you right .. perhaps someone else is doing a great job now ..
a song i've been listening recently it all about , if you wanna love some one right , and there's another person who is already doing it .. leave ..
and i guess , it's sending a message to me ? nothing funny about .. i cried again and again .. and i always tell myself , " ok , this is gonna be e last time " but it never ever was .. i dont know how to tell you , i dont know how to express it , i dont know what else i can do .. besides smiling and pretending it isnt hurting me .. just one request ; stay here , dont go .. even if i am not your priority , dont make me your last option either .. will you ?
nothing's gonna change this fact that , you are my priority ; now and till the day i find another some one who can replace .. iloveyou bby .. now and always ..
i wanna this song to question you ; would you be there ?

2010-03-15T17:04:00.002+08:00

goodbye 16 ~ birthday means new start ?
birthday should be happy isn't it ? yet here .. i feel like crying ..
listening to that song make me wanna cry ..
not showing my love for you doesnt mean i dont love you enough ..
is that at times i know , i am of no one to do so ..
i've got so many things keeping inside ..
bby , i need you to know :( !
forget it .. shall stop here .. really dont wanna cry today ..

2010-03-14T22:25:00.003+08:00

hellO all ! am at genting now .. let's "rewind" ! back to yesterday ! (:
celebrated my birthday in advance @ granny's place ..
thankyou darling[s] for turning up ! love you guys to e max !
i gotta say , cake + water bomb + cream = fcuking smelly !
and make up seriously SUCKS ! ohmygod .. seriously ,
i dont even look like a human after that !
but still , renu !! u got touched a not ? i sing song for you , from ground floor to 6th storey ..
"nothing's gonna change my love for you" lOL ! went around chasing those IDIOTS ! and them run like DOG ! hahahahhahahahhahah ! babyrul .. sorry ahh .. ur phone ! lOL ! lovethem to e max ! ((: ~ fahh , though u missed e fun .. but i know ur heart here with us .. i love you ! ((: !
after everything , 10+pm went to kithana haus .. cut cake again .. cos celebrating her bday .. her mummy cooking is *thumb up* ((: ~ overall i had fun .. thankyou all sayang[s] again ..
not forgetting shan and chen came early help me .. qq them also .. ty ty alot ((: ~

sadded :( ! i miss that irritating idiot ! it's bloody hell not fun here :( !! i hope mummy will say " let's go home earlier since we've got nothing to do here " ! :( ... i swear it's killing me !! GRRR ..
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou !! haish ..

- i just wanna be your ................ clown -

2010-03-12T23:35:00.003+08:00

just got back home .. went to meet crystal .. after that bing them came (: ~ slacked at 208 ..
cock around with them .. laughing dam hard cos me and zeng hui thought of something ! very bad but dam funny ! seriously .. lOL ! den go mac company bing makan .. ii drew something for crystal .. she draw for me also .. but pls la , she draw one FUGLY lo .. i draw one so nice .. she no talent :) .. whatever it is , it's fun .. ((: ~ heard that fah met an accident .. i hope she's fine .. i love you bitch ..

-------
SLG :
imiss you alot .. you never once were out of my mind .. even when i am with them just now ..
today is a long day for me .. and seriously ! it was .. :(
i dont know la ! i want you here .. you presence is very important to me .. really :'(
shouldnt get so reliant ! GRR .. :(

2010-03-11T19:39:00.003+08:00

Congrates to baby ! she is attached ! baby last long with her uhhs ~ remember .. if she bully you , we hoot her okayy ? remember whatever it is , you have us ! we support you always .. people that leave you just because of this , they are not true friends .. let them go ..
went meet baby , shan , 2 of shan classmate , and chen ..
play awhile .. use com .. talk crap ..
baby keep saying i piss off recently .. how true is it ? i dont feel so ..
maybe a little bit more sensitive towards that topic , but overall i think quite okayy one lo ..
issit she ownself think too much ? -.-'' u got girlfwen jiu forgot me de hua , i going hoot u for sure !
---------------------------------------------
i miss that SLG ! :(
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou !!! i know i am stupid .. like baby said .. haishh .. i duno la ! i wanna you to walk my life through with me ! yet at the same time , i wanna you to GO AWAY ! ARGH ! everything is like getting on my nerves !! GRR ... okayy .. whatever ! i m leaving genting on sunday .. who will miss me ? (: ~ okayy definitely not you .. but i know some one out there ! hahaks ! okay la .. i m lame .. just trying make myself feel better .. bye all ~

2010-03-10T21:11:00.005+08:00

i m not in a very good mood now .. :(
and there's only one reason ! i mean , 1 week ago ...
i didnt expect that much from you .. you gave me no promises .. nothing ..
i know that .. so i thought no promises = no pain ! but i fcuking wrong !
i thought i miss-ed you lesser .. but soon realise , was only what i say to comfort myself ..
now .. this feeling is something that i cannot hide anymore .. everything just revolves around you .. i questioned myself .. what's in you that got me so attracted to .. and i really dont know ..
soon i realise .. i dont need to know .. because there's no need a reason to love you ..
Let Go , Forget about it ... you might say ... they might say ..
seriously , every one of you went through this .. think a little for me ! its not computer data that i can install and delete as and when i like ! i know you all concern and dont wanna me get so affected .. i appreciate it [ esp baby ] but i realli need time .. but at e rate i'm going .. it's almost impossible ! GRR ..
ii asked baby that day : " if i say i'll really treasure , if i say i'll really give in everything .. you believe ? " ...
baby know me well enough .. the previous one (G) took me fcuking 2 years + to forget even when we're not in contact ..
i very pissed off now ! seriously .. falling in love with some one i shouldnt is not a fcuking choice or thing that i can control ! i cant do anything about it ! i dont know what else to do .. i'm so into this shit now ! i shouldnt even start/have the first conversation ! now i cant stop ......... and it's going on ........ and on ......... and on ..........

iLOVEyou SLG ..

2010-03-07T11:13:00.002+08:00

slept @ 6am .. writing literature notes for a schoolmate (: bout off centre .. went over with shan to woodlands , to meet baby ... until 3am .. talking bout everything .. everything ..... sometimes even when you know no outcome you just kept falling into it .. baby say herself like hongster , morning to eve with another person and evening to midnight with me .. hahaks ! i dont mind so long u are here with me .. iLOVEyou baby .. lOL ! dun too touch horh .. scared u cry ..

baby , make the right decision , the last thing i want is you to become like last time , hurting yourself over everything .. if u think she will love u right .. if u think she will sayang you , den go for it .. even no outcome , no future .. we always here suporting you .. BUT rmb dun fall in the 1st category of ppl i HATE .. i dunwan lose a fwen like you .. take your time make the right decision okayy ? jiayou ~~

idiot only have 5 letter , but u are a 7 letter idiot !

2010-03-01T21:34:00.002+08:00

am i pretending or m i really not sad .. ( those who know what happen might be thinking )
frankly , i dont know .. but i m just nt crying .. not to the extent that i will breakdown and cry ..
i thought i would .. seriously .. cause i m so madly into it .. but i realise .. i really dont know how to cry for this situation sial .. lOL !? last year that ONE year plus one .. one fking small thing i cry like dog ! i think there's a difference .. afterall it's onli a month .. but anyway , still fwen now .. so it's okayy .. i m really fine .. when i feel like crying i will .. and i know u all will be there ((: !!

TO AFIFAH :
stop flirting with sheena ! she is my WIFE ! you go and find your own wife/hubby/switheart ! i got sheena first .. dont think my ring break u can steal her away ! i going buy one new one ! dont fcuking come and disturb and try to break our relationship !! :@ !!

ILOVE SHEENA SABRINA TO THE MAXXX ... WIFEYY ~~ <33
you are e reason for every breathe i take baby .. iloveyou ! lOL !

2010-02-21T19:53:00.003+08:00

smiling ... crying ... smiling ... crying ... smiling .......... crying ...............
i really dont know .. as i m typing , i cant stop myself .... from crying ..
this feeling sucks ! i duno wad i want .. i duno wad i need .. i duno wad shit i m getting into ..
the feeling of not knowing what will happen next or to say , wad you want .. sucks .. and i mean it .. why ... why ?? i guess i need some one to talk to .. some one who will understand .. some one who knows how it feels .. some one i can trust ..................... why now ? why not later or earlier ? pls dont play ur "game of life" with me now .. seriously .. i duno if i can take it ..
let me be ...

2010-02-18T21:36:00.002+08:00

was chatting with some one on msn ytd ..
so she said , " you are not one that fall for some one u only know for ______ " , " you seem to fall deeper this time round "
and i was like thinking .. very true .. i always "PICK" and "CHOOSE" quite carefully who i want to tell things to and who i want my friends to be .. and of cause .. who i gonna love ..
i dont just fall for some one i barely know .. no no no ! this time is different la .. zzz ..
i dont know .. i'm like slowly releasing myself .. in e past i bloody keep for ONE whole year and till now only ONE person * if i didnt rmb wrongly * know who my 365++ days was .. but this time round .. i share .. i dnt know .. but slowly , i just want ppl to know .. i m learning to not bother what they say .. and i realise .. if u can accept , u are my fwen .. if cant .. forget it .. i used to be very affected .. but not now anymore ....... i guess .. i mean , i m still affected if ppl say about ppl that i LOVE ! so ...... ya .. okay i duno wad i crapping bout .. but so wad ? my blog my say .. not happy dont read lo.. buhbyes ~ (:

2010-02-15T22:46:00.003+08:00

okayy .. i dont know .. but this feeling suck to core :'(
*keep smiling* .. worst period of time , i've walk through ..
now is like nothing la .. right ? okayy .. i know everything
is gonna be fine .. okayy .. i am a young adult ..
should know how to handle stuffs like that well enough .. ^^
*comforting myself* .. it's easy .. what's so difficult ?
dont see , dont think , dont want to know ..
bye ~ ..

2010-02-14T21:19:00.002+08:00

happy chinese new year ((:
and also happy valentine's day to all of you ..
some people ask me why never update .. ehhks ..
you all come , never leave tag still dare complain complain !?
hahaks .. today went visiting .. collect red packet $$ ..
as usual chit chat those .. quite bored ..
wanted to text ______ but ... argh forget it .. :(
kept thinking bout it .. re-reading e messages and all ..
i mean , i know that ........ forget it ..
i just dont have the habit to share ..
keeping it to yourself is the best ..
i guess today just average though i receive quite a few red packet ..
if those red packets can exchange for ____ time/ a few text / conversation ..
i dont mind .. hahaks .. stupid right .. forget it .. buhbyes ((: ~

2010-02-10T16:50:00.003+08:00

*testing .... testing .... 1 .... 2 ... 3 .... * clear throat *
HELLO EVERYONE ! ((: [ saying hi to those who leave TAG and those who dont -.- ; dont think i dont know ahh .. ]
okayy , seriously ... i m like "trying" to find back my motivation -.-''
i am not studying now .. going school = going to toilet so so so many times .. sleep .. draw .. talk crap .. zzz ! ii dont know wad is wrong with me also .. lOl !
seriously , some one help me uhhs !!!! stop me from going to e toilet [ cos i m only roaming around !! ]

i really not in mood this few days ..
and it's because of _______ ..
:( ~ iLy ..

2010-01-06T19:15:00.002+08:00

seriously , i m like so dam random ..
i miss my ex ex ex classmate , 1e3'06 ..
amirul , the chinese girls , && i miss AISYAthe most ! lOl ?
is like suddenly feel like telling them so many things ..
suddenly feel like talking to them .. crying with them ..
hugging them ......................
is like i really miss them and i cannot do anything ..
frustrated leyy ! zzz -.-'' okayy i feel like swearing seriously ..
ARGH ! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ~ F*** it .. i going emo first
AHHHHHHHHHHHH ~
lame -.-''
this feeling suck suck SUCK !

2010-01-01T16:30:00.006+08:00

YO ! First , i wanna say HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you ((: ~
yesterday went to sem garden for the count down thingy [ sem garden is a pub ]
tgt with fa , shan , ming , teck wei , anna and QQ ..
know new ppl there .. saw ai ying also .. she is the only one i take no. from ((: ~
ages since i last saw her ..
we drink and drank but didnt drunk (:
left at 2am+ , intend go QQ house continue .. but i fall asleep 1st
8 of them continue playing and drinking ..
stayed overnight @ qq house ((:~
overall is fun .. i know new ppl ..
and this lady left me a deep impression ..
she's HOT ! LOL ! some pics below .. byebyes ~

2009-12-29T22:46:00.004+08:00

todayy is off day !
woke up early , help grandma prepare ingredient for dumpling *yumyum* , breakfast with shan @ grandma house ..
after that head off to bugis .. shop around ..
spend so much $$ todayy :( ~
bought shirts & a hat .. that hat cost like $45 -.-'' and like quite ex cos not branded ?vwadever it is , i'll need to collect it on sunday .. hopefully it's nice ..
went over to chen house .. sleep .. freaking tired ..
31st will be my last day working @ tangs .. the saddest part is yusita is nt working on that dayy .. gonna bid goodbye to all my seniors .. will miss them darn hell loads .. especially yusita :( ~ 4th jan , skul reopen .. gotta switch back my mood and alot thingy ..

------
how am i suppose to tell you ?
who e hell can accept it ?
it's fact .. i didnt want it to be this way either ..
i thought you will understand ..
everything you said is still running to and fro my fcuking brain ..
imissyou .. iloveyou .. yes YOU !

2009-12-28T22:46:00.002+08:00

why didnt u cherish her ?
why you wanna hurt her again and again ?
she gave you so many chance .. why you dont appreciate ?
you know how that feels when she tell me how disappointed and how hurt she is ?
i seriously want to bring her away from you .. but m of no one to do so ..
i want her to stop loving you , so that she'll nt get hurt ..
i want her to text me and tell me how happy is she .. but not the other way round ..
cherish her , start to treasure her .. from this moment onwards .. will you ?
dont hurt her anymore can ?
please dont let her cry .. be there for her when she need you ..
dont let her wait by herself .. okayy ?
may god bless her ..

- when you have it , you dont cherish it .. when you dont have it , you beg and pray that you will get it , and you'll promise god that you will cherish it .. be it now ... or forever .. -

2009-12-27T23:07:00.002+08:00

feel weird ? sad ? stupid ?
what's e reason ?
izzit because the one that know how i feel is nt my friend ?
or izzit because my friend dont know how i feel ?
i know many people can't accept ..
i thought i can share with someone ..
but the fact is ...
i can share with no one ..

-all alone-

2009-12-26T10:09:00.002+08:00

talk / give comment = i wrong
dont talk / no comment = i wrong
bother , care and put feeling = i wrong
dont bother , dont care , dont put feeling anymore = i wrong
angry = i wrong
DONT ANGRY ALSO WRONG !? o.o''
i m losing myself among you all .. everything i do dont seem right ..
what's wrong with really dont feel like talking ?
really nothing happen .. i not emo-ing .. i just dont want to give comment or anything
i just want to be myself .. human all will change , so will i ..
i dont get angry now le , i smile i let you all make decision , i no comment no anything
you all say i dont bother .. do nothing .. you all rather i angry i talk i give all comment .. this wasnt wad you guys said earlier on .. isn't it ? i noe ONE of you will see this post .. den i'm telling YOU , i'm changing ..
i just wanna see what will happen next , because i know god had it all written in his "book" ..
i'll not be like before , when i talk and laugh and get angry bout things that i m unsatisfied with ..
i just want to be a little bit more alone ..
it's a good thing ..
i've already learnt to accept thing as it is .. regardless good or bad ..
please understand ..
* god bless everyone around me *

------
wanna find an excuse to text you girl ..
but ...... this very weird feeling i have ..

2009-12-24T21:57:00.002+08:00

frankly , all along , i know what is going on in my life ..
i am only smiling comforting myself that everything will be alright ..
i managed to change my thinking towards my surrounding ..
i understand that , many things are beyond my control ..
god long ago written it in his " book of life " ..
so far , i got to say , i m doing well ..
being able to control my emotion ..
but i realise , is only for a time being ..
because as i start to not talk about anything and treating it as nothing and dont want to mention"
i start to bottle things up .. the more i keep , i realise i dun feel like talking .
i dont want to speak to anyone .. because i m keeping too much inside and i m afriad of "humans" seriously ..
no one is true .. no one is real .. everyone is putting a mask infront of each other ..
even if u treat another person well , they will not appreciate it .. even if u realli love the other person , they will not know it ..
something very funny .. when u really love a person and care for a person , it will always be taken for granted .. you dont cherish the care and love that people give you .. but u complain about the love and care that another person did not give you ..
den think back , izzit fair to the person that really love and care for you ?
you never know , that person only want you to smile , to be happy , but u are upset bout who who who doesnt care and love you .. but the one that really care and love you is listening to you .. sitting right infront of you ..
which part these ppl dun understand sial ?
i understand that if you give doesnt mean you got to get something back , but frankly , question yourself ..
when u treat some one u love very well , u expected something back right ? that's the smile of theirs and hope that they will happy .. but when they are not at all .. you will also never will be ..
*giddy* .. i really need to go back to the days when i isolate myself from everyone ? if that is the best way , i will .. sick and tired ..

2009-12-20T00:07:00.003+08:00

hellO !!
okayy first , i pass-ed and am able to go to sec5 .. scored 9 points for 5 sub and 12 for 6 sub ..
next year is going to be a really difficult for all of us ..
reflecting back , when i'm in sec1 and sec2 , i always get into trouble
quarrelling with teachers and leaving the classroom as and when i like .
skip school this and that ..
i m so lucky that my teachers didnt give up on me , and they did not leave me alone when i need them most ..
very thankful to my form teacher miss chong .. she was the reason why i started studying ..
i remember when she stay in school till real late to coach me/us ..
a million thanks to her ..
i'll promise to work harder next year ..
just got home .. will be working tmr .. maybe she will be bringing me to work ..
hopefully then .. <3 ..

2009-12-17T22:49:00.002+08:00

tmr is result le .. is like so FAST !? haish .. needa leave tangs soon .. as i know even if i dun make it up to sec5 i m still going to continue my education .. will anyone miss me anots ? *hello*? *echo back* .. forget it .. im always alone .. coming to and fro all alone .. ((:~
but i'll MISS yusita MOST ! todayy although didnt do much sales .. but was very happy ^^ ! *chie chie chie chikacheng chikacheng* because i doing stock w alan and yusita .. and went around collecting puppies to do balloons .. and burst some balloons accidently =x .. made yusita scream like saw ghost ^^ .. den after work , yusita hubby waited for her .. den she also send me home .. tgt .. yusita rocks ! love her most ! ((: ~ i promise you 1st one receive my text tmr when i get result ((: ~ good or bad i'll inform you kay mam .. <33 ..

xmas is like so near yet so far , so far yet so near ..
if my last day of working is 24th , 25th i confirm ready emo whole day ..
locking myself up .. wait till 'recover' den see how ..

2009-12-14T10:45:00.002+08:00

watched 'couple retreat' with my dearest classmates yesterdayy .. so funny ! had a good laugh .. after that initially want to treat them so eat ice cream . but the shop closed .. ended up hanging out outside TANGS <33 taking pictures .. saw yusita in the TPO when taking pics .. went in talk to her .. after finish taking pic , 10+ they headed back yishun :( , and i taking bus back cck .. but .......yusita ask me wait for her , she send me home .. so i just follow where-ever she go incase this madam of mine forget me .. =x .. 11+ she go fetch her husband denn send me home .. anyways , thanks for e ice cream ((: ~ YUM ! [ initially is i wanted treated ppl ice cream skali become my supervisor treat me ice cream ^^ HURRAY ! ]
a little emotional now , not sad but just felt bless-ed .. saying thank you to all them ~
before them , i wanna thank god for giving me everything i have now .. thank you for the pain that u put me through to help me grow .. very appreciated .. please bless people around me that i love .. thank you lord .. *amen*

family / relative :
thank you you all for being there for me . providing me everything i have now .. though is isnt what i felt all along that i wanted .. but i start to appreciated every little things you all give me , rather than all the things that you all didnt give me .. i will try my very best to live to the fullest and not make you all worry like previously .. work life really made me grow up .. i hope you all will see it someday , i still hope things will be how i wanted it to be someday .....

Qing , Shan , Fa , Dan , Ming , Ling , Chen :
thank you for being there for me when i need you all .. maybe after we slowly grow up , we got our own things to do already .. own life .. life is nt like previously .. only revolves around hanging out with friends .. no matter what , i wanna let you all know you all are great friends .. although we quarrel at times and even didnt talk to each other for some period ( should know who i meant ) but the memories no matter good or bad , i'll nt forget .. some of us 9 years friendship and still counting .. i wanna go through my ups and downs with you all , because you all are just like my family .. hope our friendship will last long .. *bless*

classmates :
1e3`06 , 3a3`08 , 4a3`09 .. i enjoy being able to study with them .. being able to disturb them .. they make me feel like going to school every single day , just to see what 'show' will happen that day .. makes me feel so funny , when 20min ago we are like scolding each other like going fight .. den later we are like the best classmates ever ! thanks to you guys , life in north view is great .. cant imagine it without you guys .. hope that we will still be able to stay in contact .. *love*

miss chong :
if you were not my form teacher in sec3 i know i will not be here today , being able to get the grades i want .. as a teacher , you managed to change a student life .. you made me realise the hardwork of teachers and made me wanna study hard .. i might have disappointed you in one way or another .. more than once more than twice .. i sincerely apologise .. no matter what it is or how thing is now , i just want to say thank you to you .. i'll never forget that i once have a nice cher , going through ups and downs together with us .. she is always there for us , although the problem we give her stack up already taller than her .. and she love us like her own kias .. once our mama chong , always our mama chong .. once again , sorry and thank you .. *love*

yusita :
thank you for making my first job experience an enjoyable one .. you taught me things that i wont be able to learn from teachers in school .. thank you for willing to spend time , sitting @ the basement listening to me , and talking to me .. thank you for allowing me to share part of your problem with you and cry together with you .. i once told you before .. i cant solve your problem for you , but the least i can do is to listen , to lighten ur burden a little .. and i promise everything will be kept to myself .. god will be my witness .. a mummy rather than a supervisor i see .. thank you so much .. 1 month + is ur existence that made work life full of sparkles and fun .. you made the selling floor like home to everyone .. thank you for the effort you put in .. to piece up level 4 together .. i know it .. and i am sure the rest will know it too .. god bless you .. must take care yourself .. i cannot always 24/7 remind you , cannot drink cold drink , cannot this cannot that kayy .. bless you mam .. iloveyou ..

2009-12-12T11:28:00.002+08:00

okayy ~ cool ~~ stay calm .. i've got something to announce ..
YUSITA IS BACK ! haha .. i got it all over my fb , msn .. and now blog ! [ fyi , yusita is my supervisor ]
i miss her darn hell lots sial ..
glad that she is back .. safe .. and still as cheerful as ever ..
ytd was e first day she back .. i very happy initially .. skali something happen den i very emo emo .. i cried in e store .. den after work i text-ed her .. she came down and we chat-ed ..
but she busy la ~ run here and there .. but still glad that she try to be there thought she busy ..
she told me alot of thing .. and i understand what she meant ..and i'm gonna keep it in mind ..
funny part is .. initially was me going tell her my problem .. skali wait for her busy come back , i nt sad le .. become she tell me her problem .. i listening .. hahas .. and later two other seniors join us .. but nt talking about problem anymore .. this time gossip-ing .. i listening .. so funny .. like whole lobby our laughter .. thanks to them , when the clock struck 12am , my mood is very good ~ text-ed yusita , and den off to bed ..

mam , i will always remember e promise i made ..
just like i told you , god will be my witness ..
is a promise .. okayy ?

2009-12-10T20:47:00.002+08:00

work life is great .. ((: ~ less conflicts nowadays .. hopefully will lst till the day i leave tangs .. gonna miss them so muchh .. sometimes you see , there's so many fun things that happened around me .. i used to share it with her .. my closest friend .. but ............... not gonna elaborate .. she wont be back .. not the one i knew before .. what's e point .. isn't it ? gotta learn to let it go ..

2009-12-07T22:58:00.003+08:00

omg ? this picture is like quite sometime ago le lo .. i very long never emo le ((: ~ wee ~~

during my street basketball competition ((: ~ these few darlings of mine came and support me [ gopal not in pic ] though i got 2nd but i realise i have very nice classmates ! love them to e max

i wont be able to see this score for a long long time .. now my aiming suck -.- needa practice more ..

me and fahh ((: ~ during sinda ~ see her bird face .. want to slap right ? ((: ~

picture before mr lee left .. misses him lots .. hope he is doing well .. [ fyi , this 'chinese class ' outing got more ppl attending than our mix class outing .. so wtf horh ? ]

sadded ~ i dunwan be fireman sial :(( ~ i want be BOSS ! hee~

omg ! babyTAN kissed me .. i think we all drunk that day le .. my birthday kiss ((: ~ hees ~

2009-12-02T23:38:00.003+08:00

i know once i send that message there is no turning back anymore ..
i really should'nt let myself sink deeper into this stupid trap and play this freaking game that god wants me to play ..
i cant afford to lose .. you know ?

[ a song i wrote . a few sentence for you ]
when i tell you i miss you , would you listen to me ?
when i say i love you , would you believe in me ?
when i say i need you , would you know ...
how much you meant to me ...
-iLOVEyou-

SONG - one last :
i never could imagine , life without you
from the moment you walked into my world
never knew how long the loving flame could burn
but losing you has forced me to learn
and we can't change the way we feel inside
and every try at love never turns out right
we both knows it's better if we just let it go
so let's have,one last kiss,one last touch
one last tender moment between us
one last dance,to our first song
while pretending there's nothing wrong
let's stay here for a while and
cherish every moment we're in denial
we both know,it's better if we just let it go ..
every time i try to take a stand at all
i see your face again and i fall
in the middle of the night there's a scent of a rose
the smell of ur perfume i suppose
but we can't change the way we feel inside
annd every try at love never turns out right
we both know it's better if we just let it go
so let's have,one last kiss,one last touch
one last tender moment between us
one last dance to our first song
while pretending there's nothing wrong
let's stay here for a a while and
cherish every moment we're in denial
we both know,it's better if we just let it go
baby if we met each other under a different sky
maybe things would be much better between you and i
we could always hold on to this one special thing we share
but it would be too much for us to bear
so let's have
one last kiss,one last touch
one last tender moment
between us,one last dance
to our first song
while pretending there's nothing wrong
let's stay here for a while and
cherish every moment we're in denial
we both know,it's better if we just let it go ....

2009-11-29T22:49:00.003+08:00

我真的好挂念你...告诉我，在你眼里我比他们特别好吗？
the first you held on to my hand , you made my heart skipped a beat ..
is this special feeling when you're around ..
you make me wanna keep in heart everything you say ..
you make me wanna remember all your likes and dislikes ..
you make me feel like looking at you throughout the 8 hours standing there ..
your appearance distracts me even when a second ago i was attentively serving a customer ..
你的微笑，对我来说很重要...
想你想得快疯了...
因为爱上了你我逐渐的迷失了方向...
爱上不该爱的你...

2009-11-27T11:52:00.002+08:00

YOYO ! ((: ~
okayy .. just to say , work life .. getting better .. had a talk with some people ..
thrash things out .. hopefully it'll really be good ~ *amen* ..
people that know me well enough should know at times i pull myself back .. to refrain from getting hurt .. cos i get emotional very easily ..
but now , i want release everything .. i want enjoy myself @ work place .. i know i will get too attach to the place , just like school when i cant bear to leave school .. even the thoughts of graduating makes me cry .. i know the day when i leave work place will also be like this .. but i really want to enjoy this 2 month .. working together with them .. no point bringing the hates and dislikes leaving that place ..
esp to my seniors and supervisor [ mdm "T" and mdm "Y" ]
all this while they though me alot of things .. i thank them for that .. and it's from the bottom of my heart .. may god bless you all .. dont be upset or angry about things that happen at work .. it dun feel good to see u all upset or angry , is like seeing ur own love ones emotionally hurt .. esp mdm "Y" cheer up ..
thinking back , previously .. my thinking is always negative .. and i often act up ... beating up/throwing/punching things that i see .. i mean especially my school wall and doors -.- , i rmb the previous time i spoil the toilet thingy after one punch .. saras was there and i rmb after i cool down how she was talking and laughing about it .. and how ms kaur told me trying to calm me down telling me if i continuing punching that pathetic door my hand will break [ she more afraid that i break my hand cannot take "N" den cannot get a distinction for her humanities ] haha .. joking joking .. but anyway , now think back really silly .. luckily i have friends and classmates like them .. [ saras , fifah , sabrina , raudah , myy , qq , dd , wl , hs , rf ....... ] never ending la . cos i m so lucky .. they never leave me alone despite so many times acting upo all of the sudden spoiling the fun at times .. they always try to help me ..

saras : i remember how i suddenly wanna act up and you will always allow me to squeeze ur hands and holding it to calm myself down .. i remember how i drag you out of one place to the other when i act up .. i remember how i pull you around the corridoor when we "fight" .. i remember how i drag you around the classroom even when mdm lau was there .. SO MUCH FUN ! [ ehh i realise i drag you everywhere ehhks ? ] anyway , babe i love you ! thanks so muchh .. bless us go up next year kayy ..

afifah : babe , thanks .. the time when i was really down .. and no one .. i meant no ONE that i trust i could turn to .. all the sucidal thoughts gushing up .. u spend time msging me .. and even allowed me to talk to ur mommy .. thanks alot .. i mean , if not for that day , i might really not be here anymore .. thank you dear .. love you ..

raudah : this silly girl , always so blur .. once dislike-d me and thought i wanna steal ... away .. we are fwens babe .. no such thing as stealing who and all such .. alright ? thank you so much .. if werent for ur understanding , the teachers day stuff wouldnt be so successful .. love you ..

myy : my lessy .. listen-ed to my probs .. we both fish and chips fan ! hahaks .. anyways , just thanks for everything .. hope to see you soon ! u said to visit me ! hahaks .. love you ..

sabrina : she is crazy bout her boyy .. seriously ! and she go around laughing and acting like a retard .. she is dam vulgar .. dun mess with her .. but so wad ? iLOVE her ((: ~ she is a crazy byytchh ! see u nxt yr kayy ? ((: ~

okayy la off to makan le .. byebye ((: ~

to my BABY tan ..
i understand that you have lots of things in mind .. pls dont keep it to urself .. though after i start working , we never really text le .. but must rmb cheer up .. anything , can find me .. though mght not be of muchh help .. but the least i can do is to listen .. alrights ? cheer up dear .. see u soon okayys ? *miss* ` rmb the balloon i get for you ? the one with the love thingy ? hahaks .. i think by now die already bahhs ? but my love for you will never die ! iloveyou BABY TAN !

2009-11-21T10:49:00.005+08:00

hellO !? back ((: ~ todayy off .. got miss me ? ((: ~ okayy .. let's start
heyy , to ex xishanites .. guess who i saw @ my work place ? (: ~
i saw mr . hong .. if u all still remeber who he is .. &&
our EX V.P , mrs sing .. is so funny la .. i scared i recongise wrongly den i dun dare ask ..
den when i serve her , i said " mam , it feels good to be able to assist u .. u look like one of my ex v.p " den we start " which school , this and that ." lols .. and she still RMB me .. woot .. ((: ~
this shows i am good student . leave deep impression hahaks ! ..

[ i m getting a little too attach to my work place now .. just like school .. i am so afraid that it'll bother me when it comes to leaving .. just like it bothers me when it comes to graduating ]
[thank you .. i dont know for what .. but just thank you .. no matter how bad people say you are , i never listen .. i never let that affect my view of you .. because i respect you .. though is less than a month working tgt with you , but what i said and text-ed you is true .. just like i said hope u understand ]

[你的冷漠让我明白，无论我做什么都弥补不了那一个错...因为一个错你判我死刑...我明白了，也放弃了...谢谢你这么久以来教我这么多东西...谢谢你在我哭时安慰我，开导我...谢谢你在我害怕时，在我身边安定我的心情...谢谢你曾经给我这么多机会...对不起，我曾经如此敬爱的你...我让你失望了...再见...我爱你...]

2009-11-17T22:50:00.003+08:00

it's a pretty long post .. read or nt up to you .. but if things that i've learnt .. and i dont breakdown that easily anymore .. ((: ~

work life :
tiring + fun - standing there hours after hours serving one customers after another .. it's tiring .. but at e same time , i enjoy it .. i have always want to have the cahnce to work in service line .. being able to interact with customers .. it's an unknown satisfaction that u get .. when ur customer is happy ((: ~ though i met ONE nasty customer at the moment .. but i am glad i met her .. at least i know not all customers are nice .. i treat her complains as gift .. to improve myself .. [ so not like me right ? i used to not think like this .. but i guess .. not now anymore ]

collegues - they are nice .. i am able to communicate with most of the senior staffs .. and i am really glad .. though i m not able to communicate with the temp staffs well .. but i am happy .. all i can say is , not being able to communicate with the temp staffs is a real sad case .. but i guess , teenagers , our age , just get upset over anything and everything .. since they are upset with me .. den it's fine .. ((: ~ but i will still communicate with them if one day they want to .. i cant possibly expect myself to be able to fit in everyones shoes .. i'll do wadever i can .. as long as i conscience clear .. nothing else matter .. (:

superior - very nice people .. thought they tend to 'bad mouth' each other .. but throughout all this while .. i learn to believe wad i see than wad i hear .. no matter wad they tell me .. i will only take it as it's their personal comment .. just like anyone else .. they cant possibly expect everyone to put themselves in their shoes or they putting themselves in other ppl's shoes .. anyway , i respect them alot ..
& esp mdm "Y" leaves me the deepest impression .. becus i used to not like her the 1st time i saw her .. but now , i respect her alot .. and i mean it .. alot .. may god bless her .. i dunwanna to see mdm "Y" in a difficult position and hiding in the store dropping tears again .. stay strong mdm "Y" ~ (L) ~

friendship :
all i can say is " let it be " .. ((: ~ i cant deny that i am not trying .. i mean i've got so used to the life that i am leading now .. nt getting affected by ''friendship'' problem .. i've got to say that yes i wanted to piece thing back for me and her .. but i duno how .. in additional , people that put relationship in 1st place makes me hesitate .. yes i mean , hey she might jolly well not want to be friend with me anymore .. but that doesnt really affect me .. cos ..... i mean, it's so unpredictable .. just like anyone of them .. she leave it there .. waiting and expecting time to heal me .. i duno when will it happen again .. landing me in the state like previously .. fyi , i m still catching on appointment nw and then .. anyway okayy stop saying all this .. hahaks .. it's never ending .. when one hurt the other , they never know .. they dunwanna to hurt people they love .. but they forgot that they are hurting ppl that love them . just like wad she did .. back to friendship .. actually is one word onli la .. "satisfied" .. ((: ~

kinship , friendship and relationship ..
this arrangement is not according to the fluency .. it's according to the importance and the loyalty towards each other .. but seem like some ppl just cant get this into their thick skull .. they rearrange it in this way ...

relationship , kinship and friendship ..
worst still
relationship , friendship and kinship ..

what on the earth just happened ? * sarcarstic*

2009-11-10T13:40:00.003+08:00

因为看清了现实的世界，
开始学会保护自己，
因为开始保护自己，
开始不让人们靠近我最真实的自己。
也因为这样，
无意中，
我伤害了真心爱我和关心我的人。
对不起大家，
那是以前的我现在的我，
和未来的我...

------------------------------------------
那些你留下的问号，
依然在我心里...
好想好想问你，
是否跟我一样留念，
但恍然发现，
只是自己无知...
事实早已无法改变...
是我太傻...

edit :
i naively thought that you will still share with me
stupidly i sent that message ..
forgetting that , you already have him to share
with you all your problems ..
i am not helping but only adding on to it ..

~~朋友一生一起走，那些日子不在有...~~

2009-11-06T12:52:00.002+08:00

working this few days ((:
i realise i've changed my thinking ALOT !
i've learn to think positively ..
is like last time .. everyday and i mean EVERYDAY will emo one -.- [ even if nth happen i oso emo .. dunno wad's wrong with me ]
but now ? ROFL ~ i cannot rmb when was e last time i emo le .. ((: ~
work is tiring but fun ..
though i dont have friends there .. but i just like helping the customers out ..
their smile .. their thank you .. being able to make their shopping trip happy makes me feel
i'm nt as useless as i thought .. ((: ~

i miss many many people ..
4a3'09 - <3
school - <3
mdm aini - <3
mrs hee - <3
miss d.chong - <33 `
&& ~ you - <33`

come find me when u happen to come to orchard ((: ~
tangs plaza .. toys dep ((: ~ Weee~

2009-10-30T23:02:00.003+08:00

seriously , if i refuse to reply ur chat in msn / text or anything isn't it obvious i dont wanna talk to you ? in additional , if u say something that makes me go replying ' lOl ? or Rofl ? ' quite obvious i find wad u said crappy or like u are boasting or something .. i m only picking up phone calls if i see [ even for those that i dun wish to speak to ] cos i dun normally ignore phone calls unless u make me ultra irritated ..
in additional .. dont only come to me when u need a favour from me .. when u bloody dont even know how to reply a msg " yes " or " no " why the hell should i entertain u ? rofl ~ seriously ..
no names stated .. guilty ? go bark @ ur blog with ur fwen or wad so ever .. i dont give a damn bout it ` .. hahaks ` .. cos people like u dont deserve my ' attention ' ((: ~

2009-10-26T22:26:00.003+08:00

went out with classmates today .
watched a movie . ROFL ~ all scared like dono wad ..
BUT , i zai .. i not scared okayy .. =P
i was scared bout wad i "SAW" ..
i SWEAR i saw "IT" ..
anyways , thanks ..
those who turned up ..
at least the planning effort and all didnt went into e drain ((: ~

-----
they asked me that day .
"have u ever thought of beating up hz ? "
my answer was .. " i once thought of giving him a punch
and let him die .. seriously .. no doubt i hate him till now ..
becus i will never forget how he made HER suffer ..
but so what ? she dont know it " ..
as a friend the least i can do is dont want you get hurt ..
but you never seem to understand ..
to you perhaps that just "EXTRA[s]" .
cos u've got what you really need ..

i rmb one teacher once said before ..
" forgiven but not forgotten .. "
in this situation , no one is forgiven cos no one done anything wrong .. [ perhaps to you i m the one that is wrong by being "afraid" of everything cos u will never understand but i conscience clear ]
however all the things that you've done , i will nt forget ..
you will never know how pain it is ..

2009-10-21T01:15:00.002+08:00

i am no one to anyone / everyone ..
i am living in this world , wasting
air , food and water ..
seriously , lord ..
grant me the courage to slash it down and
let my heartbeat stop ..
please do so ..
looking forward to that day ..
- end -

2009-10-20T17:34:00.003+08:00

i realise that people that put relationship infront of friendship ... they are EVERYWHERE !
i wonder how these people are able to do it .. abandoning friends that have been by their side
walking through thick and thin , rain and shine .. for a bloody guy !? [ fyi , at the moment all i see / hear is all girls ]
seriously , i hope they will one day know how it feels and will get the meaning of FRIENDSHIP into their thick skull ...

[ not refering to anyone in case some people misunderstand .. i am just saying generally .. even if "that thing" never happen .. this post will still be up .. buhhbye ] ((: ~ wee ..
i dare say i dare admit , when i say no one means no one .. if anyone want to fcuking gossip GO ! ((:
conscience clear ` ..

* who want play basketball / billard !?!?!?!?? *

2009-10-20T00:41:00.001+08:00

misses ~ <33

2009-10-19T21:51:00.002+08:00

my love for you ,
no expiration ` ..

让爱你成为我活下去的理由
you are every step i make
you are every breathe i take

-----
我愿一生走在你的前面...
替你挡下所有的危险和痛...
让你能安全的走完你要走的路...
原因只有一个...
那是因为我爱你...

2009-10-18T19:06:00.002+08:00

why is it happening again ?
although we dont communicate now le ,
i still dreamt of how we quarrel and how you
just leave without even turning back ..
cried .. but what's the use of it ?
all the promises made and everything
is just to ease my mind ..
just like anyone of them ..
u expected time to heal me ..

_l_ my life ..

you got everything you wanna ..
you won ..

-------
hanging out @ 755 quite often recently ..
playing basketball those ((:
wahpiang .. my shooting is like beginner lo
last time not like this de :((
must practice more .. :D
weee ~
billard , basketball !! HURRAY ! :)
wanna go outing with 4a3 `
wanna go outing with xiaogua[s] juniors `
wanna go outing with clique ..
:))

2009-10-14T14:17:00.004+08:00

MIA -

she found herself another best friend , and i hope she wont hurt her like i did ..
- bygones-

even if it's past
even if people are forgiven
even if the pain is no longer there
things will never be back like before ..

afraid that u got hurt ,
became over protective ,
afraid that you'll leave ,
became over sensitive ,
afraid that you'll forget your importance to me ,
became over possessive .
now I've nothing to be afraid of .....
because i know ,
you'll lead on happily ..
~~bff?~~

2009-10-08T20:58:00.003+08:00

exam over ..
happy , cos i gain back my freedom ..
sad , cannot attend school ..
cannot see 4a3 ` 2009
cannot see my teachers
-paranoid ? or things really changed ? -
[ 2 month and _ days .. ]

went for job interview .. hmmps .. actually want employ me or not i also dont care de .. i not in need money oso .. i just wanna learn something .. that's all .. sianx ..

-where were you when i need you most ?-
imy .. how am i suppose to tell you so ?
u still remember ?
<3 , 34

2009-10-04T17:18:00.011+08:00

ytd is moon cake festival ..
went 730 to find qq they all ..
slack and play , and i got revise also .. till 6+am .. den go home ..
had a talk with them oso ..
that topic never ever fails to make me cry
it still hurts like how it was
but i know .. it's only to me .. because she
is leading happily .
again she is just like anyone of them ..
leaving me alone ..
expecting time to heal me ..
so what if i forgive ? i'll never forget what you did ..

i wanna to stay dont go ..
but i realise that i am no one to do so
and i dont want the pain anymore .
so what if they say so much to me ?
we never gonna be friends again .
because i'll forever remember
till the last minute , you still show me
he is your everything ..
you never ever know how much
you hurt me , because , u have him all along .
since you've left , move on .. good luck to you ..

2009-10-02T21:03:00.003+08:00

STUDY STUDY STUDY AND STILL STUDY !
ytd whole day nv slp .. so fell asleep at mac when studying .. =x
7am go shan house .. play awhile den SLP AGN ! come home and dennnnn
SLP AGAIN ! 2 days nv sleep .. everything at one go sleep back ..
very tiring .. but i needa push myself .. that's e only solution !!

* i'm pushing quite alot things away .. just because i m scared ..
yes i am useless , good for nothing .. thanks ` sorry *

- i miss 4a3 , i miss school , i miss mrs hee , i miss MMC . -
- i miss my ''xiaogua[s]'' juniors -
' sorry ..

2009-09-30T15:15:00.002+08:00

hi all .. very down recently and all i can do is pushing myself to study to forget everything ..
my studying cycle now is ..
7pm~9pm tuition ..
10pm ~ 7am .. north point mac ..
9am~1/2pm school ..
the rest of the time sleep ..
i am very very tired .. but i keep force myself study ..
i dont want disappoint my teachers ..
i dont want ......... alot alot de thing ..
i dont know .. i need some one to talk to .. but who ?
who cares ? seriously ..
ytd ling and shan mention ____ at mac ..
i cried while talking bout our friendship in the past ..
but for wad? she is still leading hapily with her boy ..
that's why i said .. till the very last min ..
she still showed me relationship more important to her ..
and i said before i will hate her ..
and yes i hate her now .. ALOT ALOT !
forget it .. waste my breath opnly ..
*spit* get lost ! B****

2009-09-27T12:00:00.003+08:00

ya to you all i am always bloody fucking at fault right ? no matter how hard i try .. seriously .. fuck off la ..
you all only hear what she say you all think she bloody poor thing .. then she do to me de leyy ? knn .. as friend she do until like that u all got think for me ? ji bai la you all .. so many years friend got wad use ? knn .. always the villians kena side .. pua bye ! i dunwan contact u all anymore .. and i mean it la seriously .. few years friend so wad ? she knn step one pity u all side her like fuck ! hong gan la horh pua bye ! i realli dam piss off .. next time go anyway dont need jio ! i bloody wont give a dam anymore .. just fuck the hell off my life ..|
and seriously u suck .. bitch !

2009-09-25T23:19:00.003+08:00

today is last day of school `
when i got the thing miss chong give , i cried ..
i'm gonna miss my teachers so so muchh ..
esp m.d.c and m.h ` sobbx .
mdm aini oso ..
i didnt expected her to be so emotional when i pass her the letter
i thought i m the onli one so emotional lo ..
skali , i pass her the letter she cry ..
i also cry .. den give a last hug and i left ..
haix .. i'll update soon .. this few days very down .. no mood byebye ..

2009-09-23T21:43:00.003+08:00

look ` i've tried to trust other people ..
people that i can call "Friends'' but i realise ..
it's still better to be the loner i was all along ..
2 more days to study break .. i gonna miss my teachers , my classmates and my school ..
emo ` ..
4a3 ` 2009 :
hey , another 1 week and 4 days to our "N" level ..
work hard alrights ? dont disappoint our teachers ..
they tried very very hard to help us ..
i'm sure u all know ..
i really hope that we'll still be classmates next year .. <33 `

Teachers :
all the teachers that taught me before ..
i know , i always give u all alot crap ..
i'm really sorry ..
thank you [ all ] for ur constant
nags and advice .. the umpteen chance that you all gave us/me
4 years in northview .. and i really hope i can go back next year ..
north view is my home .. and u teachers are my family ..
<33 ` ..

mrs hee :
i'm really glad to have a cher like u ..
thak you so muchh for everything ..
those msges i sent u ,
i really mean it ..
i'll always remember you and _____ ( gonna mention her below ^^ )
thank you really .. i really hope i wont disappoint you ..
hope that i can go back next year ,
so that can spend another year with you all ..
once again .. thank you ..

MAMA CHONG AKA MISS DAP . CHONG :
niang ~ i am sorry if i've done anything to
let you down/upset you/disappoint you
pls pls pls do know that i really dont mean it ..
really really .. u are the most important
person in my life .. i see you more important
than my own mummy than anything else ..
i trust you alot and you're the 1st one i think of
when i needa some one to share my pain / joy
but i learning to be independent now le ..
really ..
i know i going graduate one day
and i know you got alot other students to
take care of ..
but do remember ..
day or night . rain or shine . no matter how far you are ..
i'll always remember you ..
i'll always remember that i have a cher like you ..
you're an angel that god "GIVE" to me ..
words cant express how i feel
all i wanna say is
your smile is really important
please stay happy and stay healthy
i once told you before ..
when we sad u here for us ..
when u sad we sure here for you ..
even next time u old i packet porrigde deliver to ur haus FOC
rmb ?
pls forgive me if i've done anything wrong alrights ?
" MUMMY ~ iLOVEyou .. " <33>

2009-09-22T21:43:00.002+08:00

kayys .. yo ? today didnt go school ` .. migraine :(
sunday uncle de ROM ((:
eheh upgrade oredi horh .. ((:
hmmps .. nthh muchh .. just post for the sake of posting ..
that picture my baby cousin .. cute rights ?
lubb lubb him worzxzx .. hahas ..
nthh muchh le byebye ..

2009-09-21T17:56:00.002+08:00
seriously , we are happy with our life also .. and i meant "WE" ! u think we suffering without you ? pls la think again .. we are still going on with our promise our plan our everything .. we still meet and go out and everything .. without you .. no unhappiness .. all enjoying and everything .. so dont bloody think you are the only one that is enjoying life .. aiya dont want say le .. pollute my blog
[ no names stated , read le unhappy / guilty .. go your blog / wherever bark lo (: ]

past few days :
with qq , dd , rf , and more go play at 755 till 3am+ .. hk cafe ..
pool with them next day .. 12am++ ` aiya overall .. fun (: ~ woot ..

-
` 2 weeks to N levels .. and i've been hanging out with my juniors quite often and qq , dd , rf and more ((:
very looking forward to enjoy my day with my bytch-es after N level .. den we can plan outing and everything ` yay ! ((: ~
and qq , dd , rf , hs .. rmb save money ((: ~ less den 4 month time we going there tgt .. 1st time w/o MUMMY ! only me and them ! :D ..
once after N level we plan and book everything kayy ((: !
chiong-ing for next 2 weeks ` mia-ing again .. byebye ((: ~

2009-09-16T22:50:00.002+08:00
very down recently ..
but i gotta stand up .. cannot afford to fall now ..
alot ppl telling me this .. and i need to listen ..
i got to learn to be independent ..
cannot rely too muchh on others ..
went out with junior[s] todayy ..
feli <3 , alex <3 and elton <3 ` ((:
N level is coming really gotta work really hard ..
this few days didnt sleep well
went see octor she say
" insufficient sleep , too stress , high blood pressure need relax "
i very lax oredi kayy -.-'' ` wont so easy die ..

ireallylearningtobeindependentle..
dontwannaleavenvssbringingthisfeeling..
itsucks..

2009-09-14T17:29:00.002+08:00
went back home after recess . not feeling well .. haix ..
i've got so many things that i wanna say ..
i've got so many question i wanna ask ..
will you still listen to me if i share with you ?
yea .. N level is coming . alot people that are weaker need
ur time more den i do ..
sorry ` .. sorry .. really ..
i haven grow up ...........

2009-09-13T21:51:00.002+08:00
伤了，哭了，累了...
真不知该说什么好了...
whatever i say , i do mean it ..
from e bottom of my heart ..

-1m8d-

2009-09-12T14:33:00.003+08:00
yesterday went to 755 play basketball with clique ` ..
cycling also ` around there .. very cooling .. relaxing ..
getting everything off my mind ..
slack till 3am .. come home ..
later going over again play basketball ` ..
very long never play le ((: `
tmr must study study le ` .. woot `..

still learning to ..........
hais `..

edit @ 11:15 -
hmmps .. didnt go play basketball today .. cancelled ..
slept for around 14 hrs today ?
my aunt and grandma thought i fainted ..
miss school alot ..
miss my teachers and classmates like hell ..
after my N level going play at 755 with them more often ..
playing back basketball ` ha (: ~
for now , i must study hard first le `
((: ~ wee ...

2009-09-11T18:16:00.002+08:00
mix feeling ..
no longer feel safe ..
i am cold ..

- you all scold me for nt taking medi and all .. i know u all want me well .. i really know .. but do u all understand side effect is act on me ? when i start to get drastic headache .. wanna vomit .. giddy .. but all this u all dont know .. right ? u all only know .. i never eat medi my fault .. i act up becos i nv eat medi my fault again .. that one u all know onli .. sianx .. its draining all my energy .. -

one last time ? please ? i promise ..

2009-09-10T16:34:00.006+08:00
will you think of the most important person in your life when you are very emotional?
will you think about the person you love and respect most ?
yes i will .. and i've got so muchh to say .. but who felt it ? only i know ...

To : _______
i do share with people my problem .
but deep down inside , i still distance them away from me .
you are the only one that i place closest to my weakest point .
to me , you are special . you are important .
i wanna share everything with you , though you not my friend .
i change because of you .
i want study hard because of you .
when my life is at the lowest point , i could'nt think of any reason
why i should continue living .
i remember , i want take my result at the end of the year to share with you .
cause i dont know when will i be able to share with you my pain and laughter again .
you were the reason why i come till here .
i dont care what people say . cause i know i really respect you from the bottom of my heart ,
cause i know you are really important . so what if they think that i am bootlicking
you ? i know i am not and i hope you know so too .
you are some one that i will never ever forget .
and i mean it .
never ever .. no matter what happen ..

2009-09-06T23:21:00.002+08:00
i know i am weak .. useless and annoying ..
i've got so much to tell you .. to share with you ..
happy and sad .. everything that happen-ed in my life ,
you will definitely be the first person i think of ..
i know you've got many other people that you needa take care of .
i know people out there need you help ..
i..... erofeb ekil uoy ot kaeps ot egaruoc eht tsol i
one mistake , i killed myself ..

2009-09-01T21:40:00.003+08:00
anything just say infront behind say really no use .. giving attitude also dont solve problem so save it .. dun step one there ..
see me not happy ur problem .. u want find me trouble i also dun care cos i did nthh wrong .. i conscience clear (:
i in skul wait u k ? (: ` *looking forward*
----
to :
fifah , raudah , myy ..
things happen-ed previously .. misunderstanding and stuffs .. just hope everything is fine now .. raudah rmb the promise u made kayy ? (: anything we will sort it out tgt .. and myy gd luk with H**** .. and as for afifah ... ermm .... dunnid marry oredi cos u are mother le ((: ` ..
`
today is 1st sep .. happy teacher's day to THEM ~ ..
iLOVEyou (:

2009-08-31T20:08:00.000+08:00
TEACHER'S DAY ! everything was great and i hope our teacher enjoy-ed it ..
i'm really gonna miss you all .. :(
to me , my teachers are angels . i love them ALOT ..
i've got so so so many things to tell them ..

TO:
our teachers :
thank you for your care and patience .. you all bright up my life and guided me to the right path .. i'm really gonna miss u all .. realli realli .. words cant express how thankful i am .. without you all i m nothing ..

the one i love and respect most :
you are the most important person in my life . ( now at least ) i am really sorry if i disappoint / upset you in one way or another .. pls do understand that i really didnt meant it... really really didnt.. you were the reason why i decided to work hard and change .. of cos , it's for my own good .. but i feel that i owe it to u .. u nv once asked for anything in return besides our well doing .. u are an angel that exist in my life .. you are the star that bright up my darkest night .. to you , i might be just someone that fill up your "student list" among all the hundreds / thousands.. but to me , u are some one that changed my life .. i'm really gonna miss u alot alot .. u brought joy to my life and changed all the wrongs to rights ..
iLOVEyou . thank you so so muchh .. <33

-ii cried while posting .. i really miss u all alot .. i dunwanna accept the fact that i'll graduate sooner or later .. i wanna u all here .. :( -

2009-08-29T14:38:00.002+08:00
yo? kayy got back all my paper .. pass-ed everything .. but did badly =(
esp for literature .. so disappointed .. in myself .. perhaps i didnt study hard enough bahhs ? anyways , ytd after skul get settled wih monday's stuff den head home , prepare go meet THEM ( serene , zhi bing , wendy , liping , ester , andy , darren , ben lim , wu hao and MR LEE ) went suki eat ` den suprise him .. bought a cake and celebrate advance teacher's ya for him .. enjoyed ourselves .. den after that go slack slack .. buss-ed back yishun go safra play pool .. den go north point slack 12++am go home .. ((: `

- wad's ur expression meant to be ? haish -

2009-08-27T18:36:00.003+08:00
i wanna so muchh to ask u ..
izzit i think too muchh ? or ..... haix
why izzit so ?
我曾经说过的一字一句都是心里话。
回头看看我好吗？
我真的.....*speechless*

2009-08-26T13:59:00.001+08:00
didnt go to school today .. not in a right state ..
i m really tired .. what else can i say or do ? conscience clear ..
- give up on everything -

2009-08-25T22:23:00.003+08:00
seriously , it's ridiculous .. why do i even have to do suchh thing .. it's so .... urgg ..
let's see ..
1st : i checked paper with one classmate
2nd : didnt know anything
3rd : i got blamed for something that i BLOODY didnt even do ..
and in additional wad's best , i became some one selfish .. not understanding and one that dont know anything bout fwenship .. it makes me frustrated and at the same time i want laugh sial .. everyone got friendship leyy .. everyone got same problem .. everyone felt it before .. how can u all just happily assume ? u all NOT me leyy .. its so bloody unfair .. if u all think i dont understand u all , den u think u understand how i feel ? being bloody malign and blamed for something that i didnt do ? if you all have thought for me before u all say me den TELL ME .. i will say it's my fault but if never .. den i guess no one have e right to say anything ..

if communicating = stealing .. then fine .. i'll stop communicating with them once everything *31/8* is done .. happy ? give me another week and we wont communicate anymore .. so wad if its the last few month ? i m nt part of u all wad .. i m just some one that "SNATCH" .. 31/8 will be counted as my "last" day in class.. from den on i noe no one ..

you all dont know .. they dont know .. then forget it la .. now " MY LOVE" = NOTHING ! dunwanna give a dam !

[wru?haish..]yes it's you ..

2009-08-24T21:44:00.003+08:00
emotinal roller coaster ..

`if you were me , you will understand how i feel ..
some one that took care of me 16 FUCKING YEARS ! I DUN TRUST ! I CANT SHARE THINGS WITH THIS PERSON .. I CANT FEEL SAFE WITH THIS PERSON ..
you know how useless i felt ? you know how i feel ? i let this person down .. the love and care i didnt feel anything .. no trust , no security .. no anything .. 16 FUCKING YEARS ! DAMMIT !
but for some one that i know for 3-4 yrs , i trusted her .. when i upset , when i feel unsafe , the 1st one i think of is her .. when she is around i feel safe .. and best part , no blood relation no anything ... wads wrong with me .. its a feeling i cant explain .. its just lyk , " how come u fall in love with him/her" ? no explanation and frustrating ..
i know i gotta learn one day .. the one is going to be there for me the next 16 yrs will not be HER .. it will be my family .. i gotta learn to trust them and love them .. i gotta really try .. 1st time .. i'm trying .. 16 yrs .. i dunno how long it'll take , but i will try ..
but before that will still be ........